Game, Set And Match

Game,Set And Match 

The large room was silent with resentment. The visages of those sitting around the table bore eloquent testimony to the turmoil which was seething just below the surface. “What the deuce do they mean?” said R K Khanna (72) with 30 years behind him as the head of All India Lawn Tennis Association. They can’t just shunt us to the tram lines just because we are over 70”, volleyed he. 

“Not only are you over 70 but you have been there for more than 12 years. That’s a double fault”, said someone. RKK glared at him. “Don’t you dare have such lowly passing shots at me” he brought his fist down on the table, his arm replicating an  overhead smash which Bill Tilden, RKK’s idol (3 singles titles in 20’s at Wimbledon and some say contemporary of RKK), would have been proud of.

“What about me?” wailed the Chief of Archery. “Pensioned off at 70 and to think Guru Dronacharya was 105 when he fought the battle of Mahabharata, that too as the commander-in-chief!”  “And think. 25% of administrative posts to go to sportsmen. What do these guys know about sports anyway?” “What a pity” agreed the Chief of Judo Federation. “Thrown out without lifting a finger !” “TKO”, declared the Chief of Boxing Federation.

“But where is our colleague from the Agriculture Ministry?” (the Honourable Shri Sharad Pawar) asked the Judo Federation Chief. “He is either harvesting some big scam, I mean field, or he has managed to convince the Sports Minister to lay off BCCI (Board of Control for Cricket in India ) and restrict his attention to the other sports bodies. If you realize, his entire coterie managing various cricket associations in the country is absent in this meeting.”

“It’s just not cricket” thundered RKK. “there are two sides out there and one of them is not playing cricket”. He had just finished reading about the infamous Bodyline Series in Australia played out in the 1930’s.  

“Our only solace is that the RTI (Right to Information Act) will not be able to question the selection of the players. We can all continue our practice of  spotting hidden talent in our sons, daughters, nephews and nieces without any charlatans questioning our judgment, or choose to back the experience of old war horses from our home towns over the untested youngsters from other regions.”

“How we miss our chief of Olympics committee, SK (Suresh Kalmadi, who is now lodged in the high security Tihar Jail)!” “With his track record, I am sure he would certainly think of something were he to take field with us today. Why not have him in on a Video conference call from Tihar? I am sure the Tihar warden can arrange it the next time he has tea and biscuits with SK.”

"And where is our high-flying Heavy Industries Minister who heads the Football Association?" queried someone.  "Seems he has gone to Kolkata. I overheard him saying that he had some Messi situation to handle (a friendly game in Kolkata recently in which the Argentinian Messi took part )."

“What can we do now? Think everyone” “is there any way to butter up the sports minister in any way? “I don’t think there is much scope. He has enough Maken himself.”

(Ajay Maken is the current Union Sports Minster).

At that moment walks in the team from BCCI, led by the Chief of the ICC in person,  (Sharad Pawar, and also current Union Agriculture Minister), followed by Vilasrao Deshmukh, Prafull Patel, Lalu Prasad Yadav, Rajiv Shukla, Arun Jaitley and other politicians of different hues, their political differences forgotten  to counter the new threat to their very existence. The Chief is wearing pads and is twirling a cricket bat in his hands like the legendary Bhima brandishing his mace. Vilasrao (Deshmukh, the new President of the Mumbai Cricket Association in 2011) is swirling a shiny new cricket ball in his hands, very much in the fashion of Shane Warne whom he had watched very often from the air-conditioned VIP box at Wankhede. All the new comers are wearing huge smiles as they enter the room.

There is pin drop silence in the room. Everyone is perplexed as to why the new entrants are smiling. “Gentlemen!” said the Chief of ICC, "Your problem is solved."  “We shall yet defeat the evil makenations of our Sports Minister." The Agriculture Minister took a long pause. One could feel the drama in the air. "Elementary, my dear sirs" began the wily old fox, "What you see in front of you is the very core of the newly formed Indian cricket team.”

The perplexed silence in the room could not have been more palpable.

 “Let me explain, my dear friends and fellow sportsmen”, began the Chief. “As you realize, there is no age limit for the players and our right to select the team is absolute. ICC may force us to implement Decision Review System some day but no DRS here as far as selection of playing team is concerned. So we have decided to induct key members of Board of BCCI into the Indian squad to represent the country in every tournament now onwards. Now there should be no objection from any quarters about us retaining control of the associations we run.”

“Yeay!!!’ the roar that went around the room would have done an IIT reunion proud. “We knew we could depend upon him” said someone tearfully. “But what happens to the performance of the team? There was a Doubting Thomas somewhere. Maybe all is not lost. “Well, we can’t lose worse than 0 – 4, can we?” came the retort from the wily Baron of Baramati.        

LazyBee

Ed’s note : explanations within brackets have been provided by the editors in order that certain deliveries from LazyBee don’t rise higher than shoulder height and can be easily negotiated by the foreigner fellow batsmen who are not so cricket savvy or India savvy.