Smart City – Smarter City Fathers

Smart City – Smarter City Fathers    

The Government has just selected 20 cities which will become “smart” cities if all goes well within a few years. Probably learning from the past experience Government has refrained from setting a time limit for the cities to get smart, leaving already extra - smart politicians and bureaucrats with every opportunity to carry on in their own inimitable fashion appearing  busy doing important things. Business as usual.

I foresee each of these “smart city” candidates sending delegations to all corners of the world, developed, developing and  undeveloped countries to study some aspect of “smartness” that they want to introduce in their smart city. As a rule the city fathers may well be uneducated but their thirst for knowledge is remarkable and they take their study tours very seriously, not missing on a single opportunity to further the frontiers of their knowledge and further those places are from the frontiers of India more keen they are for these study tours.       

I rushed to meet Netajee to congratulate him since his city was soon to become a smart city under his able leadership.  I had met him a couple of times earlier. Netajee is a man of letters. I mean he can identify A, B C, D right up to Z with may be an error or two here and there. But overall a street-smart guy like all others of his ilk. I expected to find the normal cheery Netajee all gung-ho about the future, busy shuttling from meeting of town-planners to meeting a delegate of real estate developers to negotiating with a group of farmers for acquiring their lands. But the man in front of me was just a pale shadow of his energetic self. He seemed to have a whole load of weight on his shoulders. If you can picture Atlas with the World resting on his shoulders, you would just about begin to get an idea of how Netajee looked. I carried on nevertheless.

I : “Congratulations Netajee.   You must be happy that your city has been chosen for the Smart City program.”

Netajee :  “Uh! Happy?” he seemed to be lost in his own misery.

I : “I am sure you must be happy having been selected for this honour.”  

Netajee : “ Yes, but with this honour comes a great responsibility.”

I : “Yes Netajee. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown and all that. So how do you propose to go ahead with the smart city project?”

Netajee : “ You see we want to develop a green-field city so that the existing infrastructure is not an impediment to development.”

I : “That’s good thinking.” I nodded. “Too many problems about resettlement of existing occupants of land. Look at MHADA and all the SRA projects.”

Netajee : “But the land which is available to us is all barren, far from the existing city limits  and has no vegetation nor any underground water.”

I: “Hmm. I see your problem.”

Netajee : “We need to have some “anchor ” industry which will attract other businesses and residents to locate there and visitors to visit which will develop a complete city. Moreover we want to create new jobs for young men and women especially women. You see woman empowerment is what everybody keeps on talking about.”

I was impressed. Netajee seemed to have thought deeply into the situation.

I: “So how do you propose to proceed?”

Netajee said “Well, we have been giving it a lot of thought and we feel we have been able to identify a model city which has grown in similar wilderness and has thrived over the years creating a whole new industry and generated substantial employment. We want to create a partnership with this city and learn from it.”

I : “That’s excellent!. I must say you are on the right track.”

Netajee : “I am happy you appreciate our thought processes. We are planning an extensive study program which will go deep into each and every aspect of the working of our partner city. Common folk like you are always under misconception that we are not using the public funds judiciously. Never does the media project a correct picture of all the hardships we undergo to conceive and execute projects like these.”

All I could do was to gaze upon this wonderful man with his lofty but so pragmatic ideas who was doing so much for upliftment of common man and the country.  An unsung hero indeed!

I : “So now all you need to do is to send a team there to study the situation first hand and you will be able to replicate those conditions here, maybe with some jugaads  as usual to fit the local conditions.

Netajee sighed glumly. “Wish that was so simple. Budget could be a big constraint. A deal-breaker.”

I : “Surely Netajee with Rs 500 crores being allocated to every smart city, budget should not be a constraint. A few lakhs spent on such study tour will be well worth.”

Netajee snorted. “A few lakhs? A few lakhs you say? All my City Councilors, Commissioners, Ward Officers and everybody’s PAs have already packed their bags. Nobody wants to get left out of such an epoch defining project. Everyone is keen to be a part of the important and educative study tour in spite of the strenuous work it would entail for everyone. We will have to tell the Centre to up the ante. Our back-of-the-envelop calculations  suggest that the entire estimated project cost could be consumed on the study tour alone.”

I was flabbergasted. “So Netajee which is this partner city you have identified?”

Netajee : “Las Vegas”

LazyBee

30^th Jan 2016

How To Beat The Food Inflation

How To Beat The Food Inflation

It was a typical winter day in the great city. The air outside was crisp with the northerly winds which had been blowing through the night but the scent of roses which wafted in through the windows and the faint sounds of a cuckoo serenading somewhere in the gardens brought in a sense of tranquility. If one were to look out of the large picture frame windows, one would have surely found a few butterflies flitting about doing all that a good butterfly ought to do to earn its living, but no one in the group assembled in the room within was in any mood to gaze upon the butterflies nor emulate them in any way.   

There was a distinct pall of gloom over the congregation. It was probably thicker than the smog which enveloped the great city outside. The sense of doom that seemed to pervade in the room would have made the dinosaurs in Yucatan look positively ebullient as they felt the first tremors from impact of  the meteorite.

“This inflation is going to kill us,” moaned a member of the group, flicking an imaginary piece of dust from his designer kurta.

“Yes. Looks like we are all going to starve to our death. And that too, pretty soon” groaned another maneuvering his 120kg frame into the nearest chair. The chair, too, groaned but it was used to such heavy-weights for past so many years.

“Imagine. Almost 25% price increase in chicken dishes. And a whopping 60% increase in mutton dishes” exclaimed another who prided himself as a sort of finance wizard.

“How are we going to get our nutrition right?  Proteins and all that?” lamented the health expert.

“This is all a conspiracy against vegetarians” screamed another. “Look at this! 150% increase in the prices of dal and 100% for rotis!!  Far more than the increase in prices of the non-veg dishes” wailed another.

“Preposterous!” thundered a militant one. “This will hurt poor people like us. I pray to God that we are spared the calamity of foregoing our lunches.”

“We must do something,” roared a firebrand among them.

“Yes, yes” the group was unanimous in its support to the firebrand. After all it was all for common good. Nothing galvanized the group more than something which was for the common good. They may fight their turf battles among themselves, some in all seriousness, some more for the benefit of the audience and some make-believe too. But as far as the common good was concerned, this group whole-heartedly believed in the motto of the Musketeers of the Guard in the court of Louis XIII, “One for all and all for one”.  

 “Let’s all go on a hunger strike” suggested someone from the back.

“No!” everyone pounced on him. Hunger strikes were a no-no. They were only for poor people like the farmers and students who didn’t have a clue about anything and were hungry half the time anyway. No hunger strikes. Not for this group which was used to two square meals a day and that too king-sized squares duly rounded off by not-so-skimpy elevenses and high teas.     

“I have a better idea,” declared the firebrand. “This price increase is clearly unpalatable. This food inflation needs to be countered and countered quickly. We must turn the tables on whoever has dished this ghastly increase on our plate.”

Everyone nodded in unison. Even those who normally found it difficult to follow the discussions understood the mention of food counters, tables, dishes and plates from firebrand’s speech.

“Tell us. Tell us what to do.” The Musketeers of the Guard were in a sabre-rattling frenzy.   

“Let’s sanction another pay revision for ourselves. If we can’t get such a small straight forward bill passed quickly, how can we be expected get complex bills like GST and the Finance Bills passed?”

 LazyBee 

22^nd  Jan 2016

PARLIAMENT CANTEEN RATES
	2015	2016
Mutton Biryani	50	80
Chicken Curry	37	45
Mutton Curry	20	32
Dal	02	05
Tea	02	03
Roti	01	02
Salad	03	05
Courtesy : hindustantimes.com

The Great Highway Robbery

The Great Highway Robbery   

And for another week-end, a few stray thoughts and a few general observations and a few points of view (some of it my own work and some as reported by media):

The term ‘highwayman’ conjures up an image of a masked bandit riding his horses waylaying lone travelers and stage coaches.  Almost all regions of the world have had their versions of these bandits, including the folklore heroes like Robin Hood of Sherwood Forest  and closer to home Phoolan Devi and Veerappan. Euphemistically called ‘the gentlemen of the road’ or ‘knights of the road’ and revered by general populace as heroes who robbed the rich and distributed their earnings to the poor, their stories have regaled or sometimes traumatized generations of small children.  ( Remember Gabbar?)

But for all their daredevilry and swagger they were just ‘blue-collared workers’ of the world of crime destined to eke out their daily bread by shedding blood and sweat.  Their acts must pale in insignificance when compared to the ‘white-collared lords’ of crime who have taken the art of highway robbery to far greater heights and made a living for generations by just a few strokes of pen proving yet again that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Long ago I had heard a story about Calcutta to Diamond Harbour highway (and my friends from Kolkata can correct me if my memory is not right). It seems during the good old days of Company sircar, a  highway was built to connect Calcutta to Diamond Harbour  and the length of the highway was entered in the record books as some 100 odd miles. In the following decades a goodly sum must have been spent on construction and upkeep of the road; all properly budgeted and approved on the basis of the length of the road documented in the Record Office. Sometime after a few decades, a survey was taken up (by an independent agency) which, however, threw up an astonishing fact. The distance between Calcutta and Diamond Harbour had somehow shrunk by some 30 – 40 miles !!! 

The original crime I suppose must have been committed by a Clive or a Bentick, out to make the most out of his posting. But somehow the heist ran on for a long time. I am not aware what exactly transpired after the feline was let out of the bag but a few babus in Writers’ Building must have found that their source of income had suddenly dried up or at least diminished considerably.

One would feel that in this day of satellite coverage etc such daylight highway robbery would be a thing of past. But think again. Here is another story, this time out of Russia.  A State official, by the name of Alexander Protopopov, was held for ‘stealing’ a public road of about 50 kms.  He managed to cut up a concrete road and sell the slabs. The news report does not say where the stolen goods were to be used. But I suspect it must have been for building some other road somewhere else.  Apparently Protopopov was in charge of a prison and employed the interns for some additional roubles.

My friend Guy Wise says that he doesn’t know about the path to Hell but the path to the prison gate must be paved with concrete slabs.

Cheers   

LazyBee aka Shirish Potnis

16^th Jan 2016

Food For Thought

Food For Thought 

And for another week-end, a few stray thoughts and a few general observations and a few points of view (some of it my own work and some as reported by media):

Research into anything and everything seems to be mantra of this era. Quite often the end results appear funny or even bizarre.  Readers are normally stumped as to why anyone would sponsor some of the research, apart from the obviously “sponsored” research where the sponsor has a very clear idea of what findings he would like to get pronounced at the end of the study. Reader can form his / her own conclusions about the ones which are presented below :

Does the weight or size of waiter determine your bill in a restaurant? One would have thought that if at all a waiter affects the overall bill, it would be due to his courteous manner or his recommending of house  specialities or chef’s favourite but  it turns out that the girth of the gent (or lady) waiting at your table may very well affect the bottom line when the bill is ultimately presented to you. 

A set of researchers have found a positive correlation between the amount of food ordered by the customers (especially alcohol and desserts) and the weight of the waiter or waitress.  One doesn't know if this is due to subconscious connection that customers make assuming that more well-fed the waiters are, better must be the food at the eatery. One should now expect more gravitationally challenged among the hospitality sector to ask for a “fat” salary or commissions for bringing in more business.

Everyone I am sure would like to be healthy but most of us cringe at the thought of a diet which restricts our calorific intake to bare subsistence level or an exercise regime which transcends us to the level of a Navy Seal. But what if someone promised to make you as fit as a fiddle on a diet of, hold your breath, chocolate and wine!!! I am not joking, ‘sirt diet’, the next rage to hit the health industry, is just that. Dark chocolate and red wine.  I don’t know if the research was conducted in Utopia or Valhalla or our own Swargalok, but I am not complaining.

The researchers claim that ‘sirt rich foods’ work by producing a set of proteins called ‘sirtuins’. These sirtuins regulate the biological processes such as aging, cellular death, inflammation etc. Sirtfoods are claimed to mimic the effects of fasting and exercise thus speeding up weight loss. True, apart from dark chocolates and red wine, there are other foods which have these sirtuins e.g. blueberries, parsley, walnut, turmeric, soy, green tea, celery, chilly and a few more but surely given a choice I know what most (sane) people will choose.

Thank God this research has come up now when my children have grown up. I shudder to imagine what would have been.  Dining table discussions would have been something on these lines : 

“Mummy, can I have second helping of Bournville please. I am feeling fairly weak today?”

Or “Dad, I would rather have a glass of red wine instead of milk. I don’t have time for my gym session today.”  

Now, I am just looking at the brighter side. I can snack the whole day on dark chocolates and sip red wine whenever I feel thirsty. I am sure the doctor’s bills will be a thing of past. The money I would save on financing my doctor’s son’s education at Harvard will pay for all the chocolates and wine. This diet is most sirtuin to be a hit.  I am packing my bags for Napa Valley. Robert Mondavi and Ghiardelli here I come. 

Cheers   

LazyBee aka Shirish Potnis

9^th Jan 2016