Mr Potnis Ki Amar Kahani

Mr Potnis Ki Amar Kahani

A few days back I got a call from someone in the South Block. He declined to identify himself -    security reasons. I was intrigued. The conversation went off something like this :

Me : RAW?

He : Not at all Mr Kotnis. I am a ripe mature senior citizen like yourself. (chuckles)

Me : It is Potnis not Kotnis. I meant to ask, are you working for RAW?

He: Kotnis, let’s say I am with a nameless organization which may or may not exist. Like the black        cat in Schrodinger’s box.

Me : (Impressed. The guy is not some derelict babu. He seems to know his quantum physics). And         what do I address you as? And by the way it is Potnis and not Kotnis.

He : Call me “J”, Kotnis.

Me : (Wow. This is getting more interesting - straight from Ian Fleming / John Le Carre). It is                Potnis please. But are you? (Couldn’t resist that!)

“J” : Are you what? J? Jealous? (roars with laughter). I like that Kotnis. I like your sense of                  humor.

Me : Thank you for liking my PJ (stressing the J). But it is Potnis and not Kotnis. So “J” you must         be senior to “M”? (I was now getting fully into the act, trying the map the hierarchy in the               secret world I was getting initiated into).

“J” : Well Kotnis, enough of your PJ’s; time to be serious now. In 1938 Dr Dwarkanath Kotnis, a            young doctor from Solapur, was a part of the medical team which went to China to help the              Chinese revolutionary army led by Mao-Zedong in their war against the Japanese. He laid              down his life after a dedicated 3-4 years operating non-stop on the front. He was honoured in          China and later immortalized by V Shantaram in his 1946 film “Dr Kotnis Ki Amar Kahani” .          Now that Sino-Indian relations are on the upswing, we would like to reinforce that by sending          another delegation and that’s where you come in. We have done an extensive check-up on              your background and we feel that you would fit the bill.

I was quite happy to hear that; in fact quite relieved. When “J” was talking about an assignment for a nameless and faceless organization, the pictures that flashed across my mind were from the James Bond movies. I mean, designer Aston Martins, glitzy casinos I could cope with, even bikini-clad babes I could handle maybe with some external help; even a couple of martinis “shaken not stirred” could be managed; but 6.35 mm Beretta-418s or 7.65 mm Walther PPKs were a bit too much to handle at my age.

When “J” was telling me about the assignment, I was worried it might be in Libya or Nigeria to tackle ISIS or Boko Haram respectively but luckily it turned out to be Beijing with all the other accoutrements like a diplomatic passport etc; everything seemed to be perfect.

Finally “J” came to the end of interview and chirpily told me.

“J” : “So Kotnis it is all settled. I will get your new passport sent to you within 48 hours and you            can fly out over the week-end and join the Indian delegation with the PM in Beijing on                      Monday.”

I was in a total panic. Imagine rushing to take up some heavy duty assignment at such a short notice and  that too with a passport in the name of Mr Kotnis to China. The Chinese government has a complete dossier on all the Kotnises in the world, thanks to the standing Dr Kotnis still enjoys in China. I was once told by a friend that people who try to get into China under a false identity are strung upside down and subjected alternately to water-cannons firing ice-cold water and smoke generators spewing out smoke of red chilies. I was sure that I didn’t want to risk being subjected alternately to water-cannons firing icecold water and smoke generators spewing out smoke of red chilies, diplomatic passport or not. So I made a final desperate attempt to correct the gentleman.

Me : “J”, it is Potnis and not Kotnis. It is “P” as in “psychology” and not “K” as in “knowledge!” 

That was the best I could think of on the spur of the moment. There was a brief silence and then I heard a strange sound which I had never heard in my life and the receiver was banged down at the other end. Later analyzing the sound I had heard, it seemed to be an amalgam of a strangled gasp, a choked sob and a muttered oath featuring a private part of human anatomy. I haven’t heard again from “J” till date. Wonder why!!!


LazyBee aka Shirish Potnis
11th May 2015