Game, Set And Match

Game,Set And Match 

The large room was silent with resentment. The visages of those sitting around the table bore eloquent testimony to the turmoil which was seething just below the surface. “What the deuce do they mean?” said R K Khanna (72) with 30 years behind him as the head of All India Lawn Tennis Association. They can’t just shunt us to the tram lines just because we are over 70”, volleyed he. 

“Not only are you over 70 but you have been there for more than 12 years. That’s a double fault”, said someone. RKK glared at him. “Don’t you dare have such lowly passing shots at me” he brought his fist down on the table, his arm replicating an  overhead smash which Bill Tilden, RKK’s idol (3 singles titles in 20’s at Wimbledon and some say contemporary of RKK), would have been proud of.

“What about me?” wailed the Chief of Archery. “Pensioned off at 70 and to think Guru Dronacharya was 105 when he fought the battle of Mahabharata, that too as the commander-in-chief!”  “And think. 25% of administrative posts to go to sportsmen. What do these guys know about sports anyway?” “What a pity” agreed the Chief of Judo Federation. “Thrown out without lifting a finger !” “TKO”, declared the Chief of Boxing Federation.

“But where is our colleague from the Agriculture Ministry?” (the Honourable Shri Sharad Pawar) asked the Judo Federation Chief. “He is either harvesting some big scam, I mean field, or he has managed to convince the Sports Minister to lay off BCCI (Board of Control for Cricket in India ) and restrict his attention to the other sports bodies. If you realize, his entire coterie managing various cricket associations in the country is absent in this meeting.”

“It’s just not cricket” thundered RKK. “there are two sides out there and one of them is not playing cricket”. He had just finished reading about the infamous Bodyline Series in Australia played out in the 1930’s.  

“Our only solace is that the RTI (Right to Information Act) will not be able to question the selection of the players. We can all continue our practice of  spotting hidden talent in our sons, daughters, nephews and nieces without any charlatans questioning our judgment, or choose to back the experience of old war horses from our home towns over the untested youngsters from other regions.”

“How we miss our chief of Olympics committee, SK (Suresh Kalmadi, who is now lodged in the high security Tihar Jail)!” “With his track record, I am sure he would certainly think of something were he to take field with us today. Why not have him in on a Video conference call from Tihar? I am sure the Tihar warden can arrange it the next time he has tea and biscuits with SK.”

"And where is our high-flying Heavy Industries Minister who heads the Football Association?" queried someone.  "Seems he has gone to Kolkata. I overheard him saying that he had some Messi situation to handle (a friendly game in Kolkata recently in which the Argentinian Messi took part )."

“What can we do now? Think everyone” “is there any way to butter up the sports minister in any way? “I don’t think there is much scope. He has enough Maken himself.”

(Ajay Maken is the current Union Sports Minster).

At that moment walks in the team from BCCI, led by the Chief of the ICC in person,  (Sharad Pawar, and also current Union Agriculture Minister), followed by Vilasrao Deshmukh, Prafull Patel, Lalu Prasad Yadav, Rajiv Shukla, Arun Jaitley and other politicians of different hues, their political differences forgotten  to counter the new threat to their very existence. The Chief is wearing pads and is twirling a cricket bat in his hands like the legendary Bhima brandishing his mace. Vilasrao (Deshmukh, the new President of the Mumbai Cricket Association in 2011) is swirling a shiny new cricket ball in his hands, very much in the fashion of Shane Warne whom he had watched very often from the air-conditioned VIP box at Wankhede. All the new comers are wearing huge smiles as they enter the room.

There is pin drop silence in the room. Everyone is perplexed as to why the new entrants are smiling. “Gentlemen!” said the Chief of ICC, "Your problem is solved."  “We shall yet defeat the evil makenations of our Sports Minister." The Agriculture Minister took a long pause. One could feel the drama in the air. "Elementary, my dear sirs" began the wily old fox, "What you see in front of you is the very core of the newly formed Indian cricket team.”

The perplexed silence in the room could not have been more palpable.

 “Let me explain, my dear friends and fellow sportsmen”, began the Chief. “As you realize, there is no age limit for the players and our right to select the team is absolute. ICC may force us to implement Decision Review System some day but no DRS here as far as selection of playing team is concerned. So we have decided to induct key members of Board of BCCI into the Indian squad to represent the country in every tournament now onwards. Now there should be no objection from any quarters about us retaining control of the associations we run.”

“Yeay!!!’ the roar that went around the room would have done an IIT reunion proud. “We knew we could depend upon him” said someone tearfully. “But what happens to the performance of the team? There was a Doubting Thomas somewhere. Maybe all is not lost. “Well, we can’t lose worse than 0 – 4, can we?” came the retort from the wily Baron of Baramati.        

LazyBee

Ed’s note : explanations within brackets have been provided by the editors in order that certain deliveries from LazyBee don’t rise higher than shoulder height and can be easily negotiated by the foreigner fellow batsmen who are not so cricket savvy or India savvy. 

This-N-That 23rd July 2016

This-N-That

And for another week-end, a few stray thoughts and a few general observations and a few points of view (some of it my own work and some as reported by media):

The verdict is finally out and the Timeless Test (http://lazybee-thefirst.blogspot.in/2016/02/timeless-test.html) that the nation has been  witnessing is showing signs of coming to an end. Supreme Court has come out with its decision on BCCI's appeal for review of Justice Lodha Panel Recommendations and asked BCCI to play rather than procrastinate endlessly. Banishing all old fogeys and bureaucrats and netas in one fell swoop, Supreme Court has cleared the decks for a new beginning in BCCI. I am sure a number of great minds are busy at the moment, trying to work out a solution which will allow politicians and bureaucrats and others who have benefited immensely in the earlier regime, to make a back-door entry into the new order or at least retain some semblance of control by having their proxies in the new team but this round has clearly gone to the righteous.  Let’s hope it stays that way.

Little Master SRT was caught on the wrong foot when the news of his meeting with Defence Minister Manohar Parrikar was flashed across the media. In the background was a dispute between DRDO and a developer, Sanjay Narang, about some properties in Landour, Mussourie. Sanjay Narang is reported to be a partner of SRT. Although SRT was quick to state that he attended the meeting with Defence Minister only as a friend of Sanjay Narang, the reports in media also highlighted that SRT had cut short his visit to Australia to attend the meeting. While all the cricket lovers will surely want to give a benefit of doubt to the Little Master, I feel it is high time that the Little Master applies discretion in choosing which pitch to play on. Some pitches are notoriously tricky to bat on and they do not exactly respect any batsmen’s pedigree or record. His 100 centuries in international cricket surely have taught him which ball to play at and which to leave alone. He will need to apply that learning to his innings in public life too.

A month after Britain decided to shoot itself in the foot, the new British PM, Theresa Mary May, has decided to delay pulling the trigger for the time being. Thus leaving EU in a quandary as to whether and when she may or may not do so. Britain very frankly has had what can best be described as a “contract marriage” with EU, refusing a full integration and at the same time enjoying all the benefits arising out of such a liaison. A large section of population has now perhaps realized the mistake that has been thrown by referendum.  Boris Johnson who was at the forefront of Brexit movement has been put in charge of negotiating with EU and not-so-surprisingly received a hostile reception in Brussels. In a show of bravado Johnson vowed to play a major role in Europe and make Britain a great power again. Beats me why EU should be so accommodating to a deserter. Looks the Brits have learnt a thing or two from politicians from the Indian sub-continent about populist rhetoric. Time we charged them “technology transfer fees”.  Frankly the only way Britain can hope to regain any of its past glory, will be to jockey to become the 51^st state of US of A.

That brings us to the soap-opera which is unfolding on the other side of the Atlantic. Donald Trump has finally received the GOP nomination for the biggest winner-take-all contest in the world. We can all expect to have a ring-side seat in the slanging match which will run its course over the next three and a half months. And when I call it winner-take-all contest, at least as far as this contest is concerned, whoever is the winner, rest of the world will be the ultimate loser. Just to get a correct Indian perspective, it is like having an election contest between Subrato Roy of Sahara (a real estate developer with dubious credentials) versus Sonia Gandhi (a politician with question marks against her name) for the top spot in the country. Vote either way if you must or abstain if you so desire, you are surely the loser in short, medium and long term.       

My friend Guy Wise says that the world is looking more and more like India;  petty politicians trying to carve out little fiefdoms for themselves without a thought to the outcome of their moves, chaos and demonstrations during election meetings,  intra-party rebellions, criminal cases against candidates  and  of course money power.  This is real globalization.

LazyBee

24^th July 2016